THE SAME PERSON CAN COME TO YOU EVERY FEW YEARS WITH DIFFERENT PROBLEMS: FIRST WITH THE TYPICAL YOUNG PEOPLE, THEN MIDDLE AGE, ON THE WAY, MAYBE EVEN WITH SOME DEPRESSION WILL DROP BY?
— I work 11 years, and to me some tens such people as you describe got.
At first they came after 20, then several years of a break, now they exchanged the fourth ten and again at me. Then a new partner, and they come to brag or look for solutions to new problems.
IT’S A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP — THERAPEUTIC ONLY.
Polyamory (laughs). Interest is aroused by those clients who change the dynamics and purpose of therapy. They come with a specific problem, and we end up working on something completely different. For example, someone treats an erection disorder: he at the beginning of the relationship, suddenly felt the stress associated with it, as the lack of a sense of security in a relationship with a new person increases various violations. We’re working on it. Now the client feels more confident, trusts his partner, relationships, erection problems end. But this is not the end of the story, as his parents had a very stormy relationship, with a lot of disputes, trust issues. And he has this pattern so fixed in his head that he begins to project it onto the current relationship. He had learned that the absence of a quarrel in the house was the calm before the storm, and that he was constantly under stress at home. Here’s a new problem to work on: getting the client to stop shifting the parent relationship model to the current relationship.
HOW DO “MEN’S PROBLEMS” CHANGE WITH AGE?
Clients from 18 to 30 years come most often with premature ejaculation. Then it is less common, except that someone had a break in sex for four weeks. Then there may be a “young waiter syndrome” – before you inform, spill.
VERY IMAGINATIVE. “THE FOX HAS ALREADY GREETED THE GOOSE…”
— It’s usually associated with great excitement: “Finally, after so many weeks!”Well, unfortunately, the milk spills…
Erectile dysfunction is largely a problem for men 30 and older, although sometimes there are young people. The rule is that over time, if not all, then the vast majority of men erections become more rare, including morning. Besides, the libido decreases: besides not at all, I speak generally. Next, back to the key topic-erection will not be automatic, like a teenager. A lot of men can’t forgive their bodies for that. One client of mine, who has been suffering from erection problems for 10 years, cried to me in a session last week. He realized it would never be the same before he was 25. He used to think of himself as a knight on horseback, and now he sees that the horse rides on a knight and does what he wants. The goes to smoothly, then comes to a halt and throws the rider.
IT’S OUR NATURE, IT CAN’T BE HELPED. IT’S EASIER TO ACCEPT AND NOT BUTT HEADS WITH A HORSE.
— That doesn’t mean you can’t work on it. Can be, and successfully. The key is to change the way you think about your sexuality.
Erection with age ceases to be so hard. Not 100 %, but 80, 70, 60. Many men after 60 the norm of semi-erection, and they become completely rigid before ejaculation. We must remember this, it is very important, because it is natural, life is not a perfect picture from porn.
Another thing is that some of the men after 40-50 reduced the need for ejaculation. And if it is, they prefer mental rather than physical orgasm! They are also more likely to help the partner to achieve orgasm — and it is enough for them.
A lot of men come to me and say, ” You know, I think I’m depressed. In twenty-with kopecks I had such orgasms – as earthquakes: convulsions waves, loss of consciousness, explosion in the brain. Now it’s just a ” ufff.” This is a natural change, with age, orgasm is not so destructive to our body, men do not bend their legs, he is more calm. The time of ejaculation also changes. In young people it is from a few to fifteen seconds, in adult men for forty, fifty-two, four seconds. One cramp, one cramp, and that’s it.
— It often bothers partners who think it’s their fault they’re not attractive enough. However, so do some men who are looking for young partners on the side. And it turns out it doesn’t have much of an impact.
Some adult men may not ejaculate at all: this is what is called reverse ejaculation, into the bladder. Then the seed just comes out with the urine.
And time refraction, about which we already talked, have young lasts from several until fifteen seconds, after forty continues until several — several tens of minutes, and after fifty can achieve several tens of hours.
AND ALL THESE PROBLEMS DEPEND SO MUCH ON AGE?”
— Not always. The absence of orgasm from this point of view is the most objective — it is usually associated with depression. As well as the low level of desire in a permanent relationship. But reducing the desire to “do” usually applies to men in their 30s.
AS WE SAID, MOST OF US AREN’T READY FOR THAT.
“At least a third of my clients come to me with natural, statistically normal reactions that are considered anomalous. For example, a man of forty years comes, he has both a wife and a mistress. He would like to sleep with both of them several times a day, but his penis does not obey him. Yes, male athletic, leads an active lifestyle, so sexy automatism, which most off before he passed out just now. And he finds it completely unacceptable that he now does not have an erection on demand. I explain to him that he is lucky because he had an automatic erection twice as long as the others. But he doesn’t want to listen, he thinks something in him is broken and can be fixed. He’s only had a few problems in a few hundred contacts, and he already thinks he’s finished. We work with his perfectionism.
A great influence on our sexual activity has a diet, lifestyle, bad habits. How diets help to maintain sexual activity, Cristina and Romanovsky wrote the book “To hell with these diets” (Chrzań te diety).
SO TO HELL WITH THE DIET OR STILL THEY HAVE TO FOLLOW?
“Damn it, but remember how the human body works.
“AND THE CIGARETTES?”
Excessive Smoking deprives the penis of elastin, necessary for erection. An erection in smokers and alcoholics often resembles a half-blown balloon after a party.
YOU NEED TO STICK PICTURES OF THESE BALLS ON CIGARETTE PACKS.
“Maybe it would help, because the older the men, the more they allow themselves.” Type: and let it be chop a thick batter more than twice a week — and it’s a nightmare for vessels, including vessels of the penis. Fat settles on the walls, reduces blood flow. Another popular mistake — ritual: nalopatsya for dinner, and then have sex. After all, after a hearty dinner, or indeed any meal, a large amount of blood is concentrated in the stomach for digestion. She’s not going down to maintain an erection.
SHANK OR CUTLET IS OFTEN WASHED DOWN WITH COLD BEER.
— And not one, and this, incidentally, much mistake, especially if after this you want to address sex. Some people think that after alcohol they are more active, bolder.
WELL, LET’S FACE IT, ALCOHOL MAKES MOST PEOPLE WANT TO FIGHT.
— Yes, if you drink a little, the courage boils, but it is very easy to step over this amount, and the body will refuse to work for you — not only in bed.
“HOW MUCH IS A LITTLE?”
— Not as much as they say in Prague, ‘ what is nothing?'” “Nothing — is half a liter for two.” In sexology, the rules hold that little is up to two servings: up to two glasses of wine, champagne, beer, two glasses of vodka. After this amount, big problems with erection, orgasm, ejaculation begin.
“A LOT OF MEN DON’T REALIZE THAT.
“So do women. A little alcohol makes a woman more free in bed, open to her needs, relaxed. More lowers libido, arousal is complicated, causes problems with natural lubrication of the vaginal complicates receiving an orgasm.
LET US GIVE UP THE PLENTIFUL ROMANTIC DINNERS — OTHERWISE WE MAY NOT HAVE A ROMANTIC BREAKFAST.
— I offer clients a seemingly obvious solution — go in for sports. It has a good effect on the circulatory and respiratory systems, helps the production of endorphin, which improves mood. The very awareness of working on yourself, your body leads to the fact that we become more confident, attractive to a partner. It’s not about looking like a Jock. Women don’t like men like that. They prefer well-groomed, fit, not men on steroids.
“I’ll use an analogy. Women for the same reason, was chosen in the course of evolution men who have had natural erections for feminine charm, and not those in the penis was a bone — that is, a constant erection. As well women respond to men who have see chemical muscles, not earned with sports and diet.
BUT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS NOT ONLY A SPORT.
“More than that, though. Sports three times a week for an hour and a half. Or a quick half-hour walk every day.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FAST?”
-Something like sports walking, which was engaged in Robert kozhenevsky.
You also need to get enough sleep. If have men the easy life-not less seven hours. If life is full of stress — up to nine. Women need to sleep longer than men. And minimize bad habits. Or eliminate. In addition, regular meals, five times a day, every three to four hours. Attention! With small portions, not “Polish portions”!
Not a mountain of food, piled on a plate, as the poles do during the holiday all-inclusive.
THIS IS ALL THEORY, BUT AS THE CASE IN REALITY?
— When I talk to clients, their diet is usually a hastily made sandwich before work, which they throw half-eaten in the car (then they see it after work and are surprised). At work, coffee, cigarettes, bars, fast food. Thus a young man can easily bring himself to the state of a sick old man.
THE BAR DOES NOT BRING ENOUGH NUTRIENTS AND CAN CLOG BLOOD VESSELS. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO WORKS IN A BANK. ONE OF HER DESK DRAWERS IS FILLED WITH CANDY BARS. SHE CLAIMS THEY GIVE HER STRENGTH AT WORK.
— According to my observations, employees of the banking sector often transfer their working models to food: it should be fast and efficient. Many of them, and I’m talking about my clients, already short lunch breaks are divided into two parts: a quick snack, during which you need to fill your stomach with something that is sold near the office, or sandwiches, and then washing the bones of colleagues over a cigarette or in the office kitchen.
LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG. AND THEN?
“Then to work.” Constant voltage. Only at home they relax and think: well, I plowed all day, deserved a reward. And eat, drink alcohol. When customers tell me what most of their dinners look like, I grab my head. Often their food is two or three large plates! Naturally, in a hurry, because just arrived in time for the new series on Netflix.
A FEAST ON AN OLD POLISH SCALE.
— Then they try to have sex, but it doesn’t work. I guarantee, after such megapoli sex will always be problems!
Unfortunately, in Poland there is a habit of eating at night, thus regulating the emotions accumulated during the day — frustration, anger, sadness, resentment. I remind you, this is a problem that fell into the latest classification of mental disorders DSM-5, Binge Eating Disorder (BED) – psychogenic overeating or compulsive overeating. Google it. In the margin, I note that this problem is perfectly treated with cognitive behavioral therapy.
“IN YOUR OFFICE, OF COURSE?”
— I have no monopoly on that knowledge. Other colleagues have the same high rates.
— NICELY. AS FAR AS I KNOW, COMPULSIVE OVEREATING NEGATIVELY AFFECTS NOT ONLY SEX, BUT ALSO SLEEP.
— Certainly. It’s hard to sleep on a full stomach. And in the morning you have to get up for work. Such a man wakes up and makes the same mistakes again.
“AND GROUNDHOG DAY BEGINS?”
— Yeah. A modest Breakfast, caused not only by haste, but by the fact that he was still full after dinner.
In order not to hang labels, I want to add that such problems are not only for people who work in corporations or do their business. Unfortunately, this lifestyle is now very common. With age, these habits take root more and more. You can see it with the naked eye.
MEN LET THEMSELVES GO.
— For some, it’s a vicious circle: if no one pays attention to me, why bother?” They do not think about the fact that they do not pay attention just because they “do not try.”
With age, another negative myth begins to influence our behavior: in retirement, we become pensioners not only for the Pension Fund, but also for ourselves.
We feel like ruins. And there are so many beautiful things you can do in retirement — things you haven’t done before! Life expectancy increases, it is not a death sentence, on the contrary.
I ONCE READ ABOUT A 60-YEAR-OLD PENSIONER WHO MADE HER MIXED MARTIAL ARTS DEBUT.
— I would recommend our readers to focus on safer but regular activities. If we are read by someone approaching retirement age, I recommend a very inspiring book by my master, Professor he wrote the book “the Art of living”at the end of 2017. Unlike other books Professor, in this-just 5 % about sex. And 95 % of this book is about different ways to spend life: music, travel, dance, friendship, movies, books, cuisine, family life.
IT IS POSSIBLE TO LIVE BRIGHTLY AND AT RETIREMENT AGE.
— Even necessary.