DOES EVERYONE HAVE SEXUAL FANTASIES?
Ordinary fantasies, dreams appear in a person much earlier than the actual sexual fantasies.
For some, fantasy is a defense mechanism. One patient of mine grew up in a dysfunctional family and often imagined that some day her real, good parents would come along and apologize for leaving her with these strange people and take her home.
“ALMOST LIKE HARRY POTTER.”
In her fantasy it turned out that there is a fairy who takes her to the Palace.
Continue with age and continued.
— WAS THERE A FAIRY GROWING UP ALL THE TIME?”
— When the patient was a teenager, in her fantasy world, the most popular guy in school fell in love with her: discovered something in her that no one had ever noticed before. At the age of 20, she was in a pretty mediocre relationship, but there was a handsome chef in her life with whom they had an affair — in her fantasies. Now do you understand the secret of the huge popularity of “Fifty shades of grey”?
— NOT UNDERSTAND.
“It’s a modern version of the Cinderella story. Appears powerful and raskoldoval reality. Unfortunately, people who often fantasize, imagination is rich, but real life is “poor”, because they do not have enough time and energy for reality.
— NOW UNDERSTAND.
— And this woman after 25 years disappeared fantasies about love, and remained specific sexual images.
— DO FANTASIES ALWAYS DEVELOP IN THIS SEQUENCE?
— Some people are less likely to resort to fantasies, others more. What matters is what needs fulfill these fantasies. They are often needed in order to compensate for reality, that is, “inventing” to yourself what is not in reality, what a person wants.
Another function of fantasy is diversity. I have clients (and quite a lot of them) who grew up in homes where the father was unpredictable: either suffered from some kind of personality disorder, or abused something, usually alcohol. Such women are associated with a person, the type opposite to the father, that is, with a predictable, safe. Only, unfortunately, when during the first 15 years of your life you live under the yoke of emotional terror, it grows into you. You’re programmed to be sensitive, suspicious, defensive. They are always waiting for the attack and closed in the bunker of his imagination. It was not a very comfortable place, but they felt relatively safe there.
“WHY?” THEY WERE WITH PREDICTABLE MEN.
“They didn’t think it was safe. As children, they learned that the calm is before the storm. So they sit in their shell, in their boring relationships, and dream about other men, like colleagues from work.
EVERY MECHATETE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. WHAT IS IT CONNECTED WITH?
— People who are ashamed of having sex because they were told at home that sex is bad, sinful, see sex in their fantasies as a tornado that takes them away, destroys them and leaves them shattered. There are also fantasies of violence of varying degrees of brutality.
“FORTUNATELY, MOST OF US FANTASIZE ABOUT NICER THINGS. IS IT A GOOD IDEA TO IMPLEMENT THEM?
Some couples tell me they’re trying. For example, a partner in the mask suddenly attacked by a partner. It usually ends in fear and paralysis, perhaps laughter, as in that beautiful Australian film ” Little death.” It is rarely possible to realize fantasies, because often it is, in fact, what is in itself — that is, fantasies and nothing more.
— I DO NOT KNOW HOW NOW, BUT ONCE IT WAS POPULAR TO DESCRIBE THEIR FANTASIES IN CHAT ROOMS. “NOW I’LL BITE YOU LIGHTLY ON THE TUMMY AND GO LOWER, LOWER…”
“Some people still fantasize that way.” Clients addicted to cybersex say that when they sit on portals and in Dating chats, 90 % of the time they don’t care if they meet the woman on the other side of the screen. Even not necessarily realize fantasy. It is important for them to be in a situation where this fantasy can be realized. That’s enough. Goal achieved, the tension subsides.
It often happens that when a woman in a chat offers to meet, the man turns off. It’s like fishermen letting go of fish they catch.
— WHAT DO MEN LIKE TO FANTASIZE ABOUT?
“Many things. Some fantasize about meeting a virgin and introducing her to the world of sex. “I’d like to meet a girl who knows nothing about sex because she at least won’t rate me and all I’ll do is “wow.”
IS THAT A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
“Yes, definitely. Another group of men who prefer virgins, excites their timidity, fear, disagreement. In their dreams enough free girl from shame, and she will become passionate and wild. In reality, this release from shame usually goes very hard. A dozen dates go by, and they still haven’t gone beyond kissing and touching.
“WHY?”
— Because it is a myth that women are driven to preserve their virginity by a lack of courage that is easily broken. It rarely happens now.
“THEN WHAT DRIVES THEM?”
— They are usually afraid of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, pain, injury, and loss of control, fear that they would take the “slut” that won’t get the orgasm that they are bad in bed will appreciate. These fears lead to the fact that the body does not want to participate in sex.
To have sex with such a woman turned out successful, you need to work out each of these fears, and not break her imaginary piety and modesty.
“I’VE HEARD THAT POLES OFTEN FANTASIZE ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH MATURE WOMEN.
Category MILF [16]. Teenagers often dream of teachers. In the other direction it also works: I got teachers who sometimes dreamed of their students.
YEAH!
— For a Mature woman, a testosterone-oozing high school student is a super-sex dream come true. They often fantasize about how to open the world of sex to such a guy, model the situation, introduce him to the rhythm. And in return receive unbelievable passion.
— AND RETURN.
Teenagers, by the way, think that the teacher will show them what peers have no idea or have, but vague, because absolutely does not feel it.
“I GUESS IT TURNS THEM ON THAT THEY CAN HAVE POWER OVER THE TEACHER NOW.”
“Almost like cannibals who ate other people’s brains to get their skills.”
Such a teacher usually has a husband or a man who avoids sex, does not want her as before, and still has problems with an erection.
BUT SUCH TEACHERS SOMETIMES REALIZE THEIR FANTASIES. SOME OF THEM GO TO JAIL, AS ACTIVELY WRITES THE YELLOW PRESS.
— One day a woman came to me and asked if she was all right. I asked what it was about. She said she worked as a teacher and had a problem with a student: his father complained to the principal that she was seducing his son. I asked you to tell me more about the situation. At first she said nothing happened. Half an hour later admitted that corresponded with the guy on Facebook. 40 minutes later, she said he had Nude photos of her on his phone, and he was showing them to someone.
- How did he get your Nude photos? I asked.
“It’s easy to get things like that now.”
- Really? And how?
- You can hack into a computer and steal it.
She eventually admitted that she had sent him the photo.
— WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SHARING NUDE PHOTOS IS NOTHING SPECIAL.
- Sexting [17] in a couple in which the relationship is based on trust and security, and the photos will not merge anywhere, is one thing. Another thing is when a teenager receives them, and they come from his teacher.
- FANTASIES ABOUT MILF DON’T SEEM TO END IN HIGH SCHOOL.
“Of course not. Men who are very enthusiastic about their penis (and most of them) are sure that an adult woman will share their delight. “She must have an old husband, a boring sex life. She definitely dreams of a big standing cock!»
SUCH FANTASIES ARE OFTEN REALIZED.
Such men register on forums and portals and agree to meet with adult women. After the last presidential elections in France, this topic has ceased to be taboo. VIVA MADAME MACRON! WE ALREADY KNOW THAT GETS STUDENTS TO TEACHERS. AND WHAT EXCITES YOUNG MEN IN ADULT WOMEN?
— Many men over 20-30 years of dreaming about these girls that they are a symbol of free sex without commitment. This, which many men dream of: that everything was straight, without bluntness, that all things were called by their names: “I want to fuck you / fuck / give me a Blowjob” and so on. A friend of his age, a partner, would have slapped him in the face and told him he was humiliating her.
— DO THEY FIND WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR IN GROWN WOMEN?”
— One of my clients, a second-year student, found his school headmistress on the portal. He had always liked her from a sexual point of view, and she smelled of passion and inaccessibility. The snow Queen. It beckoned. They started Dating. At first, the sex was perfect. It’s all according to the script we were just talking about. With, that then it turned out, that “snow Queen” in school proved “caring mother” in relations. He came to me with an erection disorder because he said that if he wanted a warm and cordial mistress, he went to his classmates.
— WHAT DOES A MAN SEE IN A NURSE? THIS IS ANOTHER COMMON FANTASY.
“A nurse is usually in the fantasies of men whose mothers were overprotective. They are accustomed to the fact that femininity is based on the fact that women are engaged in men, take care of them, moreover, imposed on them. In these dreams he is in the hospital incredibly sick, and she comes over, bends over shows butt, Breasts. Seduces.
— DOES THIS FANTASY WORK AFTER IT IS REALIZED?
— I know couples who met like that. It’s funny, but one man, the doctor himself, was in the hospital as a patient. And met there with a nurse-his future wife. He is very eloquent and funny, and therefore immediately won her heart.
— IT COULD BE THAT THE NURSE LEANS OVER, SHOWS HIM HER BREASTS, SEDUCES HIM, AND HE DOESN’T CARE BECAUSE HE LIKES THE OTHER BREASTS.” NOT WATERMELONS, AS IN PORN, AND A SMALL. AND THEN THE ONLY THING A NURSE CAN GIVE HIM IS A SHOT.
— I have a patient who meets a woman who almost completely enthralls him (why “practically”, now you will learn). You’d think he’d met his ideal: she was incredibly smart, organized, punchy, athletic. They get each other, like in some movie about perfect love. He likes everything except her buttocks. It’s just that the woman’s bottom is too flat for him. A round ass-just his fetish, so strong that in a relationship with this woman, he began to have problems with erection. He can not normally have sex with her for this seemingly very banal reason.
In turn, my other client loves women with big eyes. Huge, almost as in Japanese manga. Now he is Dating a woman who buys special magnifying lenses and makes special makeup to visually enlarge the eyes. And that’s why he adores her.
“THAT’S WHAT I MEANT. FROM WHERE WE COME FROM ROUND THESE PRIESTS AND OTHER FAD?
— If to speak specifically about a client with mania round pop, that he had such an aunt. She had a very thin, wasp waist, slender legs, and a round bottom like Jennifer Lopez. She always wore stilettos, creating an atmosphere of freedom and carelessness, so when he, as a teenager, followed her, he did not look up from those buttocks. He watched this aunt constantly, and she, besides, was not much older than him. Eight years. So when I was 14 and he woke up sexual desire, she was only 22 years, it made an impression on him — and hard recorded on the subcortex.
— IN CONNECTION WITH WHAT SUCH THINGS ARE PROGRAMMED IN US?
— Certain things are written in our heads as we grow up. If a nice woman with blue eyes gave us candy when my mother and I came to the store, those blue eyes will be deposited with us as something desirable, something that makes it nice, as it was once before. Most often, we remember these exciting stimuli quite unconsciously, in passing. But they’re the ones that make the neural pathways in the brain.
“SO IN OUR MATURE SEXUALITY, NOTHING HAPPENS FOR NOTHING.
— We like those, and not other people, poses in sex because they for us are connected with something. In adulthood, we realize these fantasies in reality or while watching porn.
— IS THERE ANY WAY TO GET OVER IT?” YOUR CLIENT WILL HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH THE PERFECT WOMAN JUST BECAUSE OF THE PRIESTS?
— No, this woman has many other remarkable traits that he must record and record in his next intimacy.
— DOES HE HAVE MUCH TO DO?”
“Yes, it will have to wait a little, but all indications are that it will be a success.
“SO YOU CAN STILL WORK WITH FANTASIES.”
— Very often they go in very unexpected directions. One of my clients at school had a teacher with very small Breasts, which he programmed, and most of all he is now attracted to a small bust. One woman after two years of relationship with him had breast reduction surgery.
“LET’S HOPE THEY’RE STILL A HAPPY COUPLE.”
Now I have a client being a flight attendant. Beautiful brunette, athletic, smiling all the time. Sample of female beauty from expensive gloss. And she always chooses short, plump men. All her friends are surprised, and she does it on the machine. Her father was a womanizer: handsome, but so what, because he did not respect women and used them. And she had a nice, kind, soulful uncle. A bit of a moron. And he was the one who raised her instead of her playboy father. He was short, balding, plump — and now she was looking for just such men.
CASE SOLVED.
“And now-attention! Physical similarity does not always mean a similar character and personality, it often turns out that these men are not at all as sincere and caring as my uncle. Then she breaks up with the man and goes on.
SWINGING HAS BECOME QUITE POPULAR IN RECENT YEARS.
— When it comes to him, I usually come across one scenario. The initiator is a man who would like to diversify his sexual life to the maximum. Squeeze everything out of her. Very often it is polygamous men who suppress their sexual needs, squeezing into the norms of monogamous relationships. Such a man persuades his partner to go to a Swinger party. Of course, he does it gently, says that it is not necessary to participate, you can only watch.
“CAN I?”
— In such clubs usually give out multi-colored bracelets according to who with what purpose comes. Therefore, you can come only as a spectator.
The woman agrees after much persuasion. They go for the first, second, third time. Indeed, just look what’s happening at the club. Suddenly the situation turns 180 degrees — and already the woman pulls there the man.
“WHY?”
- Because she feels safe. See that in these clubs it is not just about sex, it’s a style of life. You can just chat and get to know interesting people. Of course, primarily in a sexual context, but also in a social one. Such a sex village. A man gets bored. He thought he was going to be on a porn set, but he was in a sex commune.
“HE WAS EXPECTING AN ORGY; HE PROBABLY JUST DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH HOT SEX IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
- Or sex at all. Of course, some people who aspire to such places are actually polygamous, but many simply have problems in relationships: the passion is gone.
— WOMEN WHO ARE LIKED IN THIS COMMUNITY, WANT TO TRY OTHER OPPORTUNITIES?
- Yes, after a few visits, sometimes after a year, there are the first sexual contacts. Because it turns out that these clubs come not some perverts who all left and right infect sexually transmitted diseases, and ordinary people with whom you can have sex, but you can talk and make friends.
— AND YOU CAN ONLY WANT TO SEE HOW OUR PARTNER OR OUR PARTNER WITH SOMEONE HAVING SEX.
“In cuckold-controlled treason-the leading role is played by a man. These are usually partners who want to change, but are afraid of the consequences of treason, that everything will be revealed, so they persuade the partner to have sex with another in front of them, then to do the same in front of his partner. Sometimes this is the complex of Madonna and Harlot.
“HOW?”
“‘His’ Madonna can only become a Harlot in the arms of another man.
Often about how their partner will have sex with another, dream of men who turn on the transfer mechanism. They perceive the partner more as a mother or father, so it is natural that only someone else can have sex with them.
— DOES THAT MEAN THEY FEEL LESS DESIRE IN A RELATIONSHIP?”
— This fantasy usually happens in men who have problems with desire. But when such a person sees that someone else wants his partner, he can Wake up to her passion.
— DOES HE HIDE IN THE CLOSET DURING HIS PARTNER’S DATE?”
- Or peeking live, or after a date watching a recording, or listening to a woman’s story. If it is present, it is either lying next to the couple and masturbating, or really hiding, for example, in the closet or under the bed.
— DOES THE OTHER ONE KNOW THEY’RE NOT ALONE?” OR DIDN’T SHE?
“He doesn’t usually know what he’s involved in.
A client of mine loves the moment he’s lying under a bed where his wife is having sex with another man, the springs sagging right in front of him, and he can’t even squeak to keep from giving himself away. When this is combined with cuckold voyerismo. The latter is due to the fact that once he spied on how his parents have sex.
— AND NOW HE’S WATCHING A MOVIE HE’S DIRECTING.”
— Such men often put the whole performance, starting with the fact that they create a partner account on a Dating site, post her Nude pictures, correspond on her behalf with men.
If they want a recording, they hide the camera in the hotel room beforehand. Peeping, watching, they associate themselves with the lover of their partner, thus passively having sex with her.
SEXUAL MEDIATION. YOU CAN ALSO PASSIVELY ENGAGE IN SOMEONE’S SEX, WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY MEET SOMEWHERE IN THE PARK OR IN THE WOODS A COUPLE WHO IS ENGAGED IN DOGGING-SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE.
— Often the basis of this fantasy — the need for public confirmation of their own value and mixed with excitement fear that someone will notice you. For some people, this “conspiracy sex” is recorded in the subcortex from the time when parents lived behind the wall, and sex had to be done on the sly.
— PROBABLY, THIS IS A VERY EXCITING ACTIVITY.
Yeah, usually I find love dogging from customers who have very boring or predictable relationship as a couple. You can diversify life in different ways, and they prefer the thrill of sex in a car parked at the National stadium, or on a bench in the Park. And that fully satisfies their need for diversity. However, the problem is that when their fantasy is finally realized, it turns out that it did not cause such vivid emotions as could be expected.
IT SEEMS TO BE A COMMON FANTASY PROBLEM…
— Yeah. After their implementation, firstly, we lose the dream, and secondly, often feel disappointed.
ROMANTIC PARIS TURNS OUT TO BE A NOISY METROPOLIS, AND SEX IN THE PARK ENDS WITH MOSQUITO BITES.
— A client of mine calls such situations ‘ the sadness of a fairy tale come to life.’ I think that’s a very accurate description. But when our life, including sex, it seems boring, it is enough to change only a few small parts. You can instead of bed to have sex on the table in the kitchen, on the carpet in the living room, in the evening on the balcony or in the bathroom on the washing machine. No need to immediately run to conquer the world.
“A SMALL BUT PLEASANT CHANGE.
— Don’t forget the comfort of others when you take care of your own pleasures. I had a client with a full block on sex, and she did not understand what the reason was. We worked on it until we got to the bottom of childhood memories. When she was six years old, she and her girlfriend were playing in the yard and came across an exhibitionist who was masturbating in the stairwell. They told about it to parents, scandal broke, the man was caught and transferred to police. Because of that, it was written in her head that there was something wrong with sex, if you could arrest a man for it. Then, when she was 15 and started masturbating, that situation popped up in her mind. She was sure that if she touched herself, if she was interested in her sexuality, she deserved to be punished, too. Now she is about thirty, and she has many other problems associated with Masturbation and the pleasure of sex.
— MAYBE INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE PARK IN SEARCH OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCES, IT IS ENOUGH TO TRANSFER TO THE CARPET? I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT GAMES ON THE CARPET CAN END WITH WORN KNEES, BUT SO WE DO NOT INVITE ANYONE TO PASSIVELY PARTICIPATE IN OUR SEX. BUT HOW TO PERSUADE THE OTHER HALF TO MOVE ON THE CARPET?
- To tell that the acquaintance at work shared impressions and described as it is cool that the wife persuaded him to have sex on a carpet, and now you too would like to try. Just need communication.