— WHY DO MEN BECOME ADDICTED TO SEX?
“Let’s start with Freud. He divided the human psyche into three parts: the ID, the ego, and the superego. But this theory was not fully understood, not everyone understood it.
Therefore, the American psychologist Eric Byrne proposed a different scheme of three ego States: I am a parent, I am an adult, and I am a child.
The parent says, ” I have to, I have to do this.”
Adult: “I need, I can, I can handle, I want” (but not demanding).
Child: “Give it to me! Let’s play!”(there is a requirement).
AN ADULT DOESN’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
— Each of these States is necessary for our mental structure, but “I am an adult” – most of all. Meanwhile, a lot of people, especially a huge number of my clients, have the most active parent who is critical and unfair to them.
— HOW TO CHECK HOW MANY ADULTS, CHILDREN, AND PARENTS YOU HAVE?
“Draw a circle.” Now divide this circle into three parts of different sizes. Draw three lines in the center, as if cutting a pizza or cake. Even though most of the pieces are proportional to how often you are, in your opinion, as a parent, how often in the child’s condition and how often — adult. A typical psychotherapist’s client will have more than 50 % of the parent, a little bit of the child, and even less of the adult. This is a toxic situation.
— WHAT’S THE RIGHT WAY?”
That’s right: 20 % of the parent, 20 % of the child, 60 % of the adult. Are you surprised?
— IS THIS EXCESSIVE PARENT TERRORIZING AND CONTROLLING US IN OUR HEAD?
— Yes, this is the parent we have already talked about. Because of this excess, we think about everything from the position of duty: we need to hurry, do, sacrifice ourselves, work as hard as possible. To cope with the stress caused by an overgrown parent, the body translates it into psychosomatics: irritable bowel syndrome, spinal pain, heart pain, migraine, as well as Masturbation, sex, and addiction. Some go into hypercompensation. The constant processing. Extreme sport. Lack of sleep, sleepless nights.
AND OTHERS GO ON A ROMANTIC SPREE.
— There are men who, after a stressful day at work, instead of going straight home, go to the center of escort services to let off steam. This is the time of their inner child’s games. Some of my clients even use the lunch break to meet their mistress or prostitute. This is not sex that comes from arousal, it is caused by other reasons, often the need to get a reward, to abstract from stress. Sometimes with the support of drugs — chemsex.
A RADICAL IDEA FOR A LUNCH BREAK.
— Clients say they go to the toilet to sniff a trail of cocaine before they go out for lunch, then run up the stairs to the car, and seven minutes later they’re running up the stairs to the prostitute. Why the stairs? Because it increases blood circulation, and they get the feeling that they feel more excited. In the meantime, it’s just increased pressure that is caused by physical activity.
— WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SEX?”
— Very simply. Running to the prostitute, they can’t recover their breath from fatigue, their whole body is throbbing. They think they’re excited. And no matter how ugly a prostitute is, they most often use services. And clients often tell me that what happens on the leaflets that are shoved under the wipers, and that they meet in real life — this is heaven and earth. In reality, this is a drama with horror elements.
— BUT THEY MUST LOOK LIKE BRAD PITT, EVERY ONE OF THEM.” ESPECIALLY ON DRUGS. THAT IS, DEPENDENCE ON SEX IS THE EFFECT OF AN OVERABUNDANCE OF THE PARENT WHO CONSTANTLY CONTROLS US. THIS CAUSES TENSION THAT CAN BE RELIEVED, FOR EXAMPLE, BY ORGASM. AND THEN AGAIN. AND MORE…
— This is most often our real parent, whose life did not work out, and he delegates expectations and hopes to us. A descendant of drags through his life, with his banner with the slogans “Itahibi!”, “You must!”.
For one of my clients, “I am a parent” is 90 %. He works 10-12 hours a day, and on weekends he goes on a rampage. All day Saturday he’s playing computer games and masturbating. Then the party: mephedrone, amphetamine, acid, weed, alcohol, loud music, sex without protection. On Sunday, he tries to recover, remember what happened yesterday, and take a vertical position, so that on Monday everything will start over. This is what all his weeks look like.
— SO THE PARENT’S CONDITION GETS TO HIM ON SUNDAY?”
— Yeah. And these hardcore parties are the result of his inner child, which is 5 %, finally getting a voice. He must make changes, do something that will completely destroy the parent’s system.
— WHAT ABOUT THE ADULT?”
Adult, too, 5 %. In normal circumstances, the inner adult gives voice to the child or parent. But now he’s depressed.
— THAT IS, IN “NORMAL CONDITIONS”, THE PARENT OR CHILD ALSO SPEAKS TO US?
— Certainly. When the “I am an adult”, that is our natural state, chooses what he wants to indulge in, he passes the baton to the child. When I need to be focused on something, I push the parent forward.
— WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE HAVE TOO MUCH BABY?
— There are also those who have an overabundance of the child. It’s any Peter Pan you meet. That is, a person who flounders through life, but on Facebook he has the status “master does not work”. There are many of these in escort services. Kristina Romanovskaya and I once wrote about this in The Wysokie Obcasy Extra magazine. Kings of life that are sold for money to women or men. And if they are in a permanent relationship, they are not steaming with either work or responsibility.
LIE TO YOURSELF.
— And they love other people’s money more than anything else.”
But most men often have an overly developed parent. The partner of a man of this type comes to me and says: “I don’t know, I found him with a woman twice as scary as me, and he was always so cute, cultured.”
CULTURAL — THIS IS A PARENT, AND THIS ON THE COUCH WITH A “WOMAN” – THE CHILD?
— Yeah. As you can see, an adult in this case has nothing to say.
— IT’S A BIT LIKE SCHIZOPHRENIA.”
— Therefore, we need someone Mature and balanced, who will manage all this.
THAT IS, OUR ADULT. I UNDERSTAND! THEREFORE, IN THERAPY, MEN LEARN TO BE ADULTS FOR THEMSELVES.
— Exactly. How to take care of themselves, what their needs and desires are, what they can afford to do tomorrow and what they can do in a week.
— IS IT ALWAYS ONLY THE INNER PARENT WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SEX ADDICTION?
“To a large extent.” Although not so much for the dependence itself, as for the craving of men for polyamory, evolution is responsible. The iron rule of our sexuality: if this man has sex with a woman, it should take a few minutes for him to perform sexual intercourse with her again. But if she left the room and another woman came to take her place, she would immediately mobilize the energy reserves laid down by evolution, and he would be ready for sex faster.
“EVOLUTION SUGGESTS THAT HE MIGHT IMPREGNATE ANOTHER WOMAN.”
— And the mechanism considers the previous female already fertilized, so it does not excite us with new stimuli. This is called the Coolidge effect.
WHERE DOES THIS NAME COME FROM?
— There was a funny story about US President John Calvin Coolidge. One day, he and his wife visited a poultry farm. The wife, after learning that a champion rooster can perform dozens of sexual acts a day, said: “Repeat this for Mr. Coolidge!”. When this was done, the President asked: “And each time with the same chicken?”. The farmer replied: “of course not!”. To which the President said: “Rather repeat this for Mrs. Coolidge!”. (laughs)
One of my clients, to whom I told this, used this metaphor: “I love sweets very much, but when we are full of them, I do not want anything at all; but if someone slips something salty, I will gladly try it.”
SO SWINGERS USE AN EVOLUTIONARY MECHANISM…
— In a way, Yes, because this mechanism increases desire. But we sexologists believe that this is actually the Achilles heel of humanity, especially men. This is where sex addictions come from, because men get involved in this loop of evolutionary distribution of their genes. Even if it is virtual, as with pornography addiction.
In addition, external circumstances, especially chronic stress, can lead us to addictions.
— EVERYONE MORE OR LESS UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT STILL GIVE AN EXAMPLE, PLEASE.
— I had a client who fell in love with a beautiful woman, mutually. A year passed, they loved each other very much — and suddenly the news: she has brain cancer. Severe case. For the next year and a half, she was in the hospital all the time. At this time, he fell into a severe drug addiction. When the woman’s condition improved, he began to leave her, but it was only when she returned from the hospital and supported him that he was able to overcome the addiction.
But this is not the end. Because after the drugs, he got really hooked on porn. He watched it all the time: at work, at home, so that no one could see it. And he needed more and more powerful stimuli, as he stopped feeling satisfaction from Masturbation, pornography. This is the basis of the mechanism of dependence: we are looking for more and more powerful incentives, because the ones we get are no longer enough. We get used to them.
— WAS IT THE EFFECT OF THE STRESS HE EXPERIENCED DURING HER ILLNESS?”
— It was the effect of the way he chose to deal with stress. And the fear he felt when she recovered. Fear that her illness will return, and this time it will not be defeated. He wanted to cut himself off from the world.
Recently, I saw a similar mechanism in Lukasz Palkovsky’s film “the Best”. There are the stars of Polish cinema: Janusz Gaios, Adam Voronovich, Arkadiusz jakubik a, Magdalena Cielecka, Artur Zmijewski.
AND JAKUB GERSHAL. WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS MOVIE?
— Because it should be viewed by anyone who wants to understand how dependencies work. It describes the history of Jerzy Gursky [35]. As a teenager and then as a young man, Jerzy was seriously addicted to heroin. With it, he tried to close himself off from his home, where his father was emotionally unavailable, used physical violence, and his mother was an alcoholic.
YES, IT SOUNDS LIKE THE PLOT OF A POLISH FILM.
— After a while, his best friend dies of heroin. Soon this same battle loses his espoused, leaving an orphan their a small daughter. Jerzy pulls himself together and … falls into another addiction. He does a lot of Cycling, swimming and running. In the end, the winner is an incredibly heavy triathlon, the so-called “double Ironman”.
“THAT IS, SUCCESS.
— A clinical psychologist would say that this is replacing one destructive addiction with another, with the difference that society accepts the latter.
— INTERESTINGLY.
— Even more interesting, many people perceive addiction as something that comes from outside and connects them. This applies not only to sex addiction, but also to drugs, alcoholism, gambling and other habits. A sexaholic will say: my addiction took over today, I couldn’t cope with it, so I went in search of sex for money. It destroys me. A person who does not look inside himself will not know what drove him to addiction. And so a man who is addicted to sex sees that on this day he twice turned to prostitutes. But he doesn’t know why. Moreover, he acted as if in a trance, did not understand what he was doing. Only in fact did he realize what had happened. Therefore, he thinks that it is some external force that is pulling him aside.
— BUT REALLY?”
— The first phase begins with difficult and prolonged emotional States: constant irritability, sleep problems, and avoidance of sports. The second phase is mental habituation. The patient has been functioning at least 70% aroused for a week. He puts an excellent base under dependence with his constant fantasies, which prepare him for entering a trance, so as not to reckon with reality, values, obligations, and loyalty to his partner. He seems to work during the day, but actually watches porn on a smartphone (or quietly at night).
“HE’S WINDING HIMSELF UP.”
— Yes, and here begins the third phase-physical dependence. The winding leads to the need to let off steam, to relieve tension. There is a so-called acting-out in the form of Masturbation, calling exort agencies, sex in the sauna. The addict does not understand why he suddenly — once, twice-went to a place where he should not be. This is a mechanism for separating oneself from dependence. But beneath this surface is an ice mountain.
— AND IN THIS MOUNTAIN?”
— When we watch pornography, we constantly evoke a willingness to have sex. This can lead to compulsive, obsessive behavior. First of all, Masturbation, but also search for sexual experiences via the Internet or among paid services. The result may be a feeling of emptiness, because when a certain limit is passed, it becomes difficult to find satisfaction. I want more. You run like a squirrel in a wheel. All the time forward, faster and faster, but you will not get what you need, because you constantly want more. Incessant search for the Holy Grail.
— HOW CAN YOU DETERMINE DEPENDENCE ON SEX?
— I will attach the diagnostic criteria for ICD-10, the International statistical classification of diseases and health — related problems, to the answer.
You can determine a dependency when you have noticed at least three signs from the list over the past year:
a strong need or sense of compulsion to implement compulsive behaviors related to sex;
- impaired ability to control sex-related behavior, i.e. lack of control over abstinence from compulsive sex-related behavior and the frequency of this behavior;
• when trying to limit the possibility of implementing compulsive behaviors associated with sex, anxiety, irritation, or deterioration in health occurs, and these States pass as soon as it is possible to implement these behaviors;
- more and more time is devoted to compulsive behavior related to sex in order to achieve satisfaction or well-being that was previously obtained in a shorter time;
- progressive rejection of alternative sources of pleasure or previous interests in favor of compulsive behaviors associated with sex;
- continuing compulsive behaviors associated with sex, despite harmful consequences (physical, health, mental, social) that are known to be associated with compulsive behaviors associated with sex.
— NOW EVERYONE CAN MAKE A DIAGNOSIS.
— Yes, but I usually use the criteria that Patrick Karnes described in 2009. Have you observed at least three of these criteria in the past 12 months?
- Loss of control over behavior.
- Severe consequences of sex addiction.
- The inability to stop, despite the negative consequences.
- Return to self-destructive behavior and high-risk situations.
- Obsessive efforts or the desire to limit yourself, to stop.
- Sexual obsession and fantasies as the main way to cope with your life.
- An increasing amount of sexual experience-the previous level is not enough, tolerance is developed.
- Deep changes in personality as a result of sexual behavior.
- Wasting time on obsessive thoughts, fantasies, getting sex, doing it, and dealing with the consequences.
- Neglect of family and professional Affairs and recreation.
— HOW DOES A” TYPICAL ” SEXAHOLIC FUNCTION DURING THE MONTH?
— Good question. Most often in the so-called “cycle of six phases of dependence”. In 2013, a well-known researcher, Paula Hall, who specializes in sex addiction, came to Poland. During the course that she taught us for several days, I learned a lot about this cycle. I will not describe it for a long time, you can study the diagram.
— INDEED, IF YOU VISUALIZE IT, YOU CAN SEE HOW EVERYTHING LOOPS.
— There’s one thing that doesn’t fit into this scheme.
“WHAT is it?”
— Most often, sex addiction is accompanied by having sex with everyone, and not with the person with whom you are in a relationship. This is mechanical sex, based on the need to throw out emotions that are not related to sex: sadness, resentment, anger, loneliness, disappointment. This is Masturbation-using another person.
These people help themselves with pornography. Many of my clients can spend several hours a day watching porn. Some — half the night. Because of watching pornography, they go to bed at three o’clock, even though they have to get up for work at six.
“THAT SOUNDS FAIR.”
— But if viewing pornography together with Masturbation becomes our main sexual activity – this is a clear warning signal. Just as if you are having sex on the side, and the sex in the relationship is episodic, weak. This indicates, if not dependence, then at least a deep crisis in the relationship.
— THE HERO OF THE MOVIE “DON JUAN’S PASSION” FELT MORE PLEASURE FROM MASTURBATION IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER THAN FROM REAL SEX. AT THE SAME TIME, HE DECIDED: “I’M WATCHING PORN, SO I’M NOT CHEATING ON HER.” BUT THE WOMAN HE MET HAD A VERY DIFFERENT ATTITUDE.
— My clients, too, have a very different attitude.” They feel that their partners prefer plastic dolls from a porn movie. With a bleached anal opening, enlarged labia, and high Breasts.
— WHAT’S THE DANGER?”
— The endless amount of pornography on the Internet encourages us to look for new incentives, which in such quantities will not give us sex in real life. Women who get angry when they catch men one-on-one with a computer are right. Especially when the sex in their relationship sags. Addiction can lead to the complete disappearance of sex.
Pornography also benefits in terms of economy — it allows us to save a lot of energy.
— NOT UNDERSTAND.
— It’s sad, but that’s the big plus of pornography. The relationship needs to be constantly taken care of before you reach sexual intercourse with your partner, you need to flirt with her, flirt, charm, conduct a prelude… and then just turn on the computer, open the site — and you’re done.
— I WONDER WHAT DISTANCES THIS CONSTANT SEARCH FOR STRONG IMPRESSIONS CAN LEAD TO.
— If we talk about physiology, it can lead to violations of desire and orgasm. First during real sex, then during Masturbation. When we code ourselves for strong stimuli, no other stimuli will excite us sufficiently. In other words, there may be a situation in which the partner will not excite us if we do not simulate scenes of violence with her, she will not have Breasts the size of watermelons, and she will not dress all in latex.
— YOU SPOKE ABOUT THE RED LIGHT BULB, BUT YOU ALSO SAID THAT OFTEN PEOPLE ONLY REALIZE AFTER THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE FALLEN BACK INTO ADDICTION. WHEN MEN ARE ADDICTED TO SEX, TO PORNOGRAPHY, TO MASTURBATION, TO SEX FOR MONEY, DO THEY UNDERSTAND THAT THEY NEED THE HELP OF A PSYCHOTHERAPIST?
— They come when they see that they have completely lost control of the situation. And there are five more stages of losing control. The first: “Oh, how nice!”The second:” Damn, I may lose control of this situation.” Third: “Damn, I think I’m losing control.” Fourth: “I lost control.” And the fifth: “I lost everything.”
Most often, clients come to me at the fourth stage.
— HOW CAN I FIND OUT THIS STAGE?
— When you fail deadlines at work, you begin to have financial problems, problems in relationships caused by the fact that you spend time on things that are related to addiction. You don’t get enough sleep, don’t eat enough, spend more time on porn sites, or search for original sex on portals and apps.
— AND THE FIFTH STAGE?
— The fifth stage is usually the moment when the partner finds out that you have a sexually transmitted disease, or shame because you were caught cheating in the car in the Parking lot, or when the partner finds an empty condom package in your car. How do you explain this?
“WELL … A FRIEND LEFT IT.”
Used? It must be such a difficult friend…
— IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE AT THIS STAGE?
A General sense of moral deprivation and despair. Some people completely lose their relationships with friends and other people around them, and they suddenly realize that they are completely alone because of their addiction.
— AS THE HERO OF THE MOVIE “SHAME”, WHICH I ALREADY REMEMBERED. ONE IN A BEAUTIFUL DESIGNER APARTMENT. ATTRACTIVE, WELL-PAID, WELL-DRESSED. THIS FILM SHOWS THAT A MAN WHO IS ADDICTED TO SEX OR MASTURBATION SHOULD NOT BE A SWEATY FAT GUY FROM A SOCIAL AD ABOUT PEDOPHILES ON THE INTERNET.
— The hero of this film can not fall in love: no matter how many times he tried to enter into a relationship, loses the opportunity to have sex with this person. This is already remarkable.
— HOW DO YOU AVOID FALLING INTO SUCH A TRAP?”
— As I already said: only some “excess” of sexuality that is not satisfied in a relationship can be covered on the side, for example, by masturbating. Although if the partner says that she does not want sex on this day, the best solution in this situation would be to masturbate in front of her, relying on visual stimuli, smells. So each orgasm is “sealed” with the excitement of the partner, not the cyber woman.
— WHAT ABOUT THE SINGLES?
For singles, I suggest masturbating with thoughts about a particular person, with memories from life. I recommend that you think about real situations with a friend or an attractive colleague while masturbating. You need to use a minimum of additional incentives that are difficult to implement in real sex. I’m not kidding.
— HOW OFTEN CAN YOU MASTURBATE WITHOUT FEAR THAT IT WILL END IN ADDICTION?
— It all depends on who has what libido. What matters is the circumstances in which we masturbate, where this need comes from, and how our imagination works at this time. As I said, it’s better to use real experience.
“Healthy” Masturbation happens when you are aroused by yourself, for example, in the morning under the influence of testosterone. Or when you remember a situation that caused arousal, or that arousal directed at a particular person — that is, desire. Or when during the day you saw someone attractive who made an impression on you, maybe you even looked at each other, flirted.
DEPENDENCE ON MASTURBATION CONTRADICTS ALL THESE CIRCUMSTANCES?
— When you move away from your friends in order to have more time to sit at the computer, throw away sleep, food, work, and if you close your eyes, and you face scenes from movies you have watched — this is a dangerous situation.
NOWADAYS, MASTURBATION IS MUCH MORE NEGATIVELY ASSOCIATED WITH PORNOGRAPHY THAN 20 YEARS AGO.
— Yeah. Once upon a time, people didn’t get hooked on pornography because it was hard to get it. I had a client who was in prison for smuggling pornography: he carried cassettes in the trunk across the Polish-German border. Such were the times.
SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR THE CAUSE.
— Now many of my clients say that pornography has awakened the beast in them. She instilled in them sexual preferences that previously they would not have agreed to. Some of them started watching zoophilic and child pornography. This is very unsafe entertainment. About 3/4 of pedophiles are” non-exclusive “pedophiles, that is, those who accidentally found child porn on the network, for example, looking for “gold” — something new, interesting, which is not enough in the network, something they have not seen yet.
“FINDING GOLD IS ALWAYS A RISKY BUSINESS.
— One of my clients has normal sex with her husband and, despite this, Masturbates only when watching movies that show sex with animals. When she was a teenager, her brother watched such movies on the computer, and they used it in turn-hence the habit. It excites her very much, but at the same time she is ashamed of it, realizes that it is humiliating. And can’t handle it.
— CAN’T SHE HANDLE IT?”
— What goes along with our Masturbation, our orgasms, cuts into our brains. Burns a brand on it. We explain this by the formation of new neural pathways.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”
Pornography changes the architecture of the brain. That’s why it’s so dangerous. The earlier we start watching pornography, the more difficult it will be for us to have sex with a real partner. The good news is that psychotherapy also changes the architecture of the brain.
— BUT THE BRAIN MUST PERCEIVE IT.”
— We have evolved precisely because our brain is susceptible to various new trends.
— WHAT DOES “HEALTHY” SEX LOOK LIKE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
— It must come from a situation, from excitement. People go to the club, get acquainted, chemistry arises between them…
“TO ME OR TO YOU?»
— When two Mature adults agree on sexual activity related to the fact that they feel arousal or desire, they do it with a two-way benefit, like each other, take care of mutual pleasure, do not harm each other, and everything is fine. Sexology does not consider casual sex to be bad, except when it is necessary to solve one’s own problems.
But it is important that single people (as well as those who are in a relationship) think every time what the reason is behind the fact that they want casual sex, masturbate or watch porn. The center of stress in the brain is very close to the center of sex. it often happens that we try to get rid of tension, sadness, resentment, and anger through sex.
— IT’S PROBABLY NOT EASY TO DIAGNOSE YOURSELF.
— I advise you to remember one word: HALT.
“STOP, OR I’LL SHOOT!”
— Almost. This is an acronym of the first beech words HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED. So when you want to masturbate, watch porn, or find someone to have sex with, ask yourself four questions: is it because I’m hungry? It’s not because I’m angry? Isn’t it because I’m lonely? Is it because I’m tired?
If you answer “Yes” to at least one question, you should immediately address questions about your sexuality and start looking for solutions that will match the satisfaction of your real feeling.
THE HUNGRY MUST EAT SOMETHING, THE ANGRY MUST GO TO THE GYM OR RUN TO LET OFF STEAM, THE TIRED MUST LIE DOWN AND SLEEP. THE MOST DIFFICULT THING IS TO FIND A SOLUTION TO FIGHT LONELINESS.
— Yes, so we need to develop a strategy. First, you need to ask yourself why you are alone. Very often, some beliefs sitting in our head are responsible for this. One of my clients was raised by a stern father who beat him with a belt. At the same time, the mother was prone to overprotection, wanted to do everything for him. Until he moved, it seemed to him that he alternately lived in the barracks, then in the incubator. He got the impression that people are either too critical or possessive — in both cases, you need to stay away from them. Therefore, he alone Masturbates and can not get rid of this feeling. However, he found a way: he became a volunteer at a children’s cancer hospital. He goes to the children, studies with them, talks to them. They respond with gratitude.
“Oh! GREAT IDEA!
— Another client of mine, who was addicted to porn, was doing community help as part of his fight against loneliness last Christmas. Delivering money to the poor and homeless. A sporty man with two thriving businesses. There he met a soulful and attractive woman, and now they are building a relationship.
— I THOUGHT SUCH STORIES ONLY HAPPENED IN MOVIES.”
— At a time of crisis, you can call a friend, go to a movie, go for a walk, or go to a cafe. Do something to at least mentally get out of the house where only the computer is.
— THERE ARE ALSO SPECIAL PROGRAMS, APPLICATIONS IN BROWSERS THAT BLOCK ACCESS TO PORN SITES.
— Yes, such programs are a good idea. I recommend, for example, K9. It really works because people often turn to porn as soon as they feel the momentum. If something comes in their way that blocks this impulse for 20 minutes, the need to implement it will go away. And these programs do their part, because it will take more time to put the new system on the laptop. My sex-addict clients block about 80 % of their impulses.
But the fact is that you need to block the need to get on a porn site at all, and not that they tempt you, even if thanks to the programs it will be a forbidden fruit.
— I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEX WITH PORN ON. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT AS A SEXOLOGIST? FOR ME, THIS IS A CLEAR INDICATOR THAT THIS PERSON WILL NOT OTHERWISE GET EXCITED “IN REAL LIFE”.
It happens in different ways. If this porn movie in the background has any meaning for the couple, as for me relaxing music, then everything is fine. But if one of the partners can’t have sex without hearing groans, loud breathing, or seeing naked bodies in incredible acrobatic poses, I am strongly against it.