— WE ENDED THE LAST CHAPTER BY TALKING ABOUT HOW GROWING UP HAS A DECISIVE IMPACT ON OUR SEX LIVES. AND WHAT EFFECT DOES THE FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE HAVE ON HER?
— Back to the Madonna-Whore syndrome we talked about in the Chapter on male shame. Add that to the Harlot, contrary to the everyday meaning of the word, not necessarily some particularly slutty lady. This is a woman with awakened sexuality or someone who perceives a particular man. Someone else, looking at this woman from the side, may not think about it at all. However, it happens that in reality a woman has no sexual desire, and sex she satisfies different needs arising from domestic problems, for example, because she is from a family VDA , or because of low self-esteem associated with the attitude to their own appearance. It’s also not uncommon for a woman to think, ” Because he had sex with me, he loves me,” or, “Sex is a good way to get approval from someone.” And for her age often sex-it’s just sex.
— BUT AFTER ALL, EACH OF US KNOWS THE BEAUTIFUL AND ROMANTIC STORIES OF COUPLES WHO MET AT SCHOOL AND 30 YEARS LATER ARE STILL TOGETHER.
In the closet of such couples can hide different stories. What does a typical man need? To have food, peace in the house and sex.
IT SEEMS TOO STEREOTYPICAL. BUT I AGREE, SUCH MANY.
— There are a lot of such, and it confirms my professional experience. Very often it is the context in which they are for years, and connection with the Harlots.
“BECAUSE SHE’LL MAKE DINNER AND-AND MORE THAN THAT.” WHAT WITH MADONNA, WHICH HE DREAMS?
— He dreams of a relationship with Madonna or flirts with Her at work or on the Internet.
The flip side of such relations are long-term ties with Madonnas, which a man regularly changes, for example, buying sex for money. I have a client who can’t imagine life without his wife. They’ve been together since school. He loves her, despite such a long time, but at the same time absolutely can not imagine that he will stop cheating on her with prostitutes.
THERE IS NO PASSION, THERE IS ONLY LOVE?
There is a sublime, romantic love, respect, warmth, kindness, but no passion. The passion he feels only depraved women in commercial sex.
THESE HARLOTS ARE DRAWN BY MEN ALL MY LIFE.
Uncontrolled pursuit of sex ends according to statistics at about the 25th year of life. Sometimes around 30. At the same time, I must emphasize that I come across only certain people on the job — I mean, only those who have problems. And the source of these problems is very often there, at the age of 16-25 years. It arises from the discrepancy between sex and emotions. Most men have these two things combined around 30, but some and much after 40, even 50, divide women into Madonnas and Harlots. These are the kind of people that come into my office.
WE ARE IN LOVE WITH MADONNA, WE WANT TO BE WITH HER, AND WITH THE HARLOT WE PRACTICE SEX.
The hero of the movie “Short skin” goes to a prostitute before deciding to have sex with the girl of his dreams. He doesn’t want to lose face in front of someone he likes. To do this, he tests himself in different ways, including having sex with an octopus.
Chilled, out of the box. Young men often have sex with something resembling a vagina for testing. In Poland it would be chicken or some liver.
— THERE WAS A CHARLOTTE IN THE AMERICAN PIE, AND A LIVER IN THE TAILOR’S CASE.” YES, SUCH IDEAS CAN ASSEMBLE A COOKBOOK. DO IT YOURSELF.
— In fact, “testing” may not end well. I had two patients, about the same age, just over 25, from the same area. I realized they were having sex with the same girl, which one of them called a “testing ground.” Everyone in the area had sex with her.
Actively engaged in such “sports” sex, in order to get as much experience and discharge, they introduced a terrible strife in their sex life. All of their permanent partner automatically became the Madonna, from-for what at such a young age they started to have problems with erections, lack of desire, low libido. Both, being in a constant relationship, came to me with similar problems!
— AND IN GENERAL WHY?
— Because the sexual aspect of their relationship went far beyond the concept of intimacy.
Sometimes this can be manifested in a situation where Madonna takes the initiative, offers “non — standard” practices, for example, BDSM-men immediately block such things.
“BECAUSE OF THE SHOCK?”
“It’s written in their heads that you can’t do that to Madonna. Therefore, having sex for “sports interest”, especially at the stage of growing up, in the end can lead to the fact that a man will forever divide women into two types. Those with whom certain things can be done, and saints with whom it is impossible. And then in 30 years, being in a relationship with a beloved woman, with all the desire to get oral sex, a man can not offer it to Madonna. He’d think it would offend her honor, or she’d think he was a pervert. I often see this attitude among my patients.
— There is another problem that arises as a result of this discrepancy. When a virgin goes to a Harlot or prostitute, there are people with different levels of experience. Such a woman can make fun of a young man, for example, if he ends too quickly or there will be some other problem during his first sex. And this, too, can have an impact on future sexual life.
“THE FEAR OF BEING LAUGHED AT?”
Fear of being ridiculed, from which men completely capitulate: for example, already at the start they do not have an erection. First-time injury.
— BUT GOOD MEMORIES ARE RECORDED, AREN’T THEY?” FOR EXAMPLE, ON MY FRIEND VERY STRONGLY AFFECTS LEATHER UPHOLSTERY, SO AS THE FIRST SEXUAL ACHIEVEMENTS HE HAD IN THE CAR PARENTS.
Stimuli are recorded at different intensities. The main rule — the earlier we experienced something, the more powerful it affects us. This is called the law of first associations. Our sexuality will always lean towards the first experience: the first time on the carpet, in the meadow, on the stairs. Maybe that’s why Benito Mussolini, already a dictator, had sex mostly on the stairs.
Therefore, it is very important not to watch pornography before the first sexual experience.
“IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE THESE DAYS.” I RECENTLY READ ABOUT TEENAGERS WHO EVEN DURING CLASS GO TO THE TOILET AND MASTURBATE WHILE WATCHING PORN ON A SMARTPHONE.
— I can believe it, my adult clients are sex addicts regularly do it. But it is important to raise this topic. Pornography at this age is harmful, it does not perform an educational, but an anti-educational role.
— AND THE HARM IT WILL MANIFEST IN THE FACT THAT…
— …with a partner or partner, a person will not open someone else’s body, sexuality, will not connect it with the emotional side, will not check what he likes, what he needs, what brings pleasure — and will engage in mechanical sex. The one I remember from porn. Anal sex? Please! I’m not really turned on, but I’ve seen it in porn, probably cool. Go ahead. Everyone does it worse than me.